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~*Sexiest Guys in Final Fantasy 7 and 8*~
*~Find Out About Liquid Sephiroth~*
~*How the Final Fantasy Characters Eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup~*
The 10 Sexiest Guys In FF 7 and 8
Hey, animated people are people too. And some of the FF guys are kinda cute. Here's my list:
1. Tseng (the Turk) (FF7): Figures they have to kill off the cutest Turk!! I *love* Tseng! He's like my favorite FF character ever. I have to be his number one fan. I don't think there's anyone as sick as me. lol
2. Irvine Kinneas (FF8): Is there any surprise here? There shouldn't be!
3. Rufus Shinra (FF7): So what if he's evil! He's hot and evil! That's a winning combination!
4. Sephiroth
(FF7): I have so many people to blame on this one. You know, I never thought
I would be sucked into the "Sephiroth Obsession", but dammit, I don't know
what it is about that guy!! ::sigh:: Don't make me fight him!!
"Ah ha! I knew she liked me! But I should be number one..."
5. Vincent
Valentine (FF7): There's something about Vincent that makes him really
sexy, even if he does look kinda freaky.
6. Squall Leonhart (FF8): Lucky Rinoa! He's a cutie. I love Squall to death. So what does that mean I love Irvine too??
7. Seifer (FF8): Aw! Do I have to fight him. *Again*. But he sucks! It's not really fair! And he's such a cutie. I think one scar is enough!
8. Cloud Strife (FF7): So what if his hair reminds me of a porcupine. Cloud's cute. He reminds me of Squall.
9. Laguna
Loire (FF8): Laguna sometimes looks really bad. Other times he looks
really cute, bowling shirt or not (You tell me what he's wearing when you
meet him on disc 3!!).
10. Zell Dincht (FF8): This is more of a personality thing than a looks thing....well, his personality isn't exactly the huggable type either...I don't know..."There's Something About Zell". He cracks me up.
What's with FF and the cursing?! There are 3 FF characters that curse a blue streak...I put them to the test to see who had the biggest cursing problem.
Zell Dincht (FF8): "...blow it out your rear!" ::gasp:: Zell! How could you say that! Geez! Zell always has a way of saying the wrong thing and the wrong time...and he's gets upset really easily. He uses "hell" and "damn" a lot. I think he could use some soap in his mouth.
Barret Wallace (FF7): Barret's always going off about something. And unlike Zell, he uses words so bad that they have to be blocked out! Geez. Hope he doesn't talk that way around Marlene!
Cid Highwind (FF7): I think we have a winner here, folks. Cid's another one who uses language that must be blocked out. But the difference between him and Barret is that pretty much every other word looks like this *$#%@!! Five minutes into meeting him, he had already cursed more times than Barret had the whole game!
You know you're obsessed with FF when...
1) You yell at the characters. i.e "Zell! No, you idiot!" or "Cloud, what the heck do you think you're doing?!"
2) You praise the characters and/or tell them you love them. i.e "Oh yeah, Squall!", "Great job, Vincent!" or "I love you, Irvine!"
3) You know exactly where every city/place is on the map
4) You talk about the characters as if you know them. i.e "Oh yeah, I think Cloud and Tifa should get together." or "You know that guy Nida? What a jerk!"
5) When you're playing FF and someone asks what you're doing you reply "saving the planet".
6) You mistakenly refer to dollars as Gil once in awhile.
7) Some of the "bad" guys *are* good. What are you talking about? You wanna take this outside?!
8) You start to copy the characters and the way they talk/dress etc.
9) When you grow up you want to be a SeeD/ a Shinra Soldier/ a Galbadian Soldier/ a member of SOLDIER/ a Sorceress/ Choco Sage/ Garden Master/ President of Shinra Inc./ a Turk/ a Scientist/ President of Esthar/ Sephiroth
10)
You wondered (or wished) one (or more) of the following:
-- That *you*
could take a picture of Sephiroth when he passed through your town.
-- You knew
someone as cute as Squall/Cloud/Irvine/Sephiroth/Vincent/Rufus
--You wish
you *did* know Squall/Cloud/Irvine/Sephiroth/Vincent/Rufus
-- You could
go to Garden instead of school
-- You could
drive the Ragnarok/Highwind
-- Chocobos
roamed the forests near your house.
-- Laguna/Rufus
was President. Ok, maybe not Rufus, but at least he's cute!!
-- You wish
you were an ancient
-- You wish
you could use magic/materia/GF's
-- You had
a limit break
Lark: "And Here are some more, by Tobert! Thanks! (Tobert's comments are in the () )"
1) You run screaming from your science class because your substitute has black hair and is wearing glasses and a lab coat.
Lark: "Oh, I would run like the wind."
2) You have convinced everybody at school that your boyfriend's/ girlfriend's name is Squall, Rufus, Sephiroth etc/Tifa, Rinoa, Yuffie etc.
Lark: "Omg, my friend used to tell people my boyfriend's name was Irvine! No joke!"
3) Your boyfriend's/girlfriend's name IS Squall, Rufus, Sephiroth.../Tifa, Rinoa, Yuffie...
Lark: "Heh. I wish!"
4) You are arrested for illegal possession of a gunblade, masanume, shrukinen, spear...
5) If you remove ALL the posters, pictures, etc from your walls they are painted the color of the lifestream (mine are! ^__^)
6) "............" and "!@#$%&*!" are part of your spoken vocabulary.
Lark: "The !@#$%&*! part is..."
7) When people
ask you age or your hometown your respond "You will find the answer in
a confidential file at Shinra HQ"
8) Your hair actually stands up like Cloud's, or is silver like Sephiroth's, or is exactly like Reno's...(how he does the spikes, the bangs and the pony tail??? no clue)
Lark: "No... But it is like Rinoa's. Does that count?"
9) You have a scar like Squall, or a tattoo like Zell's, or your hair flips like Selphie's.
10) You name your boarder collie Angelo and try to teach it tricks like "wishing star" and "Angelo recover"
Lark: "I wish my dog was that useful!"
11) Various items that can be found under your bed: phoenix downs, X-potions, etc... love letters to your favorite FF character, many strange colored balls that you SWEAR you have no idea where the came from.
12) Various items that can be found in your closet: weapons of various characters, The book "1001 ways to kill Cait Sith", the head of Jenova, many pieces of armor and accessories, the occasional guardian force and Sephiroth (whoa! how'd he get there?)
Lark: *sweat drops* "Sephiroth's not in my closet! I swear! Heh heh..."
13) You tell people that when you grow up you want to become a member of SOLIDER, AVALANCHE, head of Shinra, SeeD, Turk, sorceress etc.....................................................................AND ACTUALLY DO!
Lark: "I would *love* to be a Turk!"
Tseng: "What is *wrong* with you?!"
14) You own different articles of clothing that resemble ones that FF characters have. (I have a hat that looks like Irvine's...)
Lark: "I have a jacket that looks like Squall's."
15) Wish that YOUR president could be a blonde haired, blue-eyed hunk...:)
Lark: "Hell's yeah!"
16) Can list 100 different ways Squall is NOT like Cloud, Selphie is NOT like Yuffie, Rufus is NOT like Seifer and Reeve is NOT like Cait Sith (even though they are the same "person"...)
Lark: "Okay, here are one for each:
Squall names
his jewelry.
Cloud doesn't
know what jewelry is.
Yuffie is funny
annoying.
Selphie is
*annoying* annoying.
Rufus is cool.
Seifer *wants*
to be cool.
Cait Sith talks
with a Southern accent
Reeve doesn't."
17) You Wish you got paid you to go to school...
Lark: "Yeah! Instead I gotta pay! Whatever..."
18) You have all the couples picked out in the game...except one person is left out... why?...... He's/she's MINE!!!!
19) You actually figured out what Nanaki IS! (If you have email me ASAP)
Lark: "Everyone knows he's a emu!" *pause* "What?"
20) You wear eye contacts so it can look like "you've been exposed to mako"
21) You wish your principal gave you a cursed magic lamp instead of detention.
22) You can actually figure out the whole "............Sephiroth's dead cause Cloud threw him into mako, but there his body in the northern crater............ " Thing... (I was FINE until the whole "real Niehibliem" story came out)
Lark: "If I tried really hard..." *scratches head* "No, I think I have it." *mutters* "Finally."
23) You can actually figure out why Luceria choose Hojo over Vincent...(If you can, may I come over to your house and scream at you about how messed up it is? It not right *sob* poor vinny)
Lark: "That I will never ever ever EVER be able to do."
24) You can actually figure out how Laguna and Raine are NOT Squall's parents...(see above for reaction)
25) You wake up on the day of your exams get out of bed and scream "THE PLANET IS IN PAIN!!!!!!" then slump to floor and shake saying "the planet is talking to me" until your parents send you a mental hospital.
Lark: "LOL! Either that or grab your head and demand 'give me a number'!"
26) Your walking home from school one day and you see a piece of tar from a construction site on the ground and run the of the other direction screaming "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BLACK MATERIA!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH........." *continue screaming*
27) During an earthquake in your town you are running through the streets yelling "THE WEAPONS ARE ATTACKING!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!"
28) You see a guy on the street with blonde hair and a scar in his face and you walk up, hit him on the back of the head and yell "What were you thinking when you sided with Edea?!?!?!?!?!"
29) Insist on calling the waitress behind the bar at any restaurant "Tifa" and always ask her "Is Cloud really as cute in real life as in the game?"
30) If your
teacher gives you a bad grade you mutter under you breath "I will not forget
you when I become one with the planet..." OR if the teacher gives you a
good grade you tell him/her "Holy will spare you when it comes"
Well,
I only have one so far, and it's pretty lame, but I hope to add more soon!
(The
following is proof about how freaking boring school is.)
"The
Shinra Bunch"
To the Tune of "The
Brady Bunch"
(How cool are they?
Come on!)
This
is the story
Of
a guy named Shinra
Who
was head of this terrible company
He
had advisors and the Turks
Hojo
was so crazy
This
is the story
Of
a guy Sephiroth
Who
didn't care for Shinra like he should
He
was a nutjob, more so than Hojo
And
he killed Shinra good.
This
is the story
Of
a guy named Rufus
Who
took over after his father was dead.
He
was just as bad, only cuter.
He'd
be much worse he said.
This
is the story
Of
a guy Heidegger
Who
worked with Scarlet, Rufus, and the Turks
Together
they schemed to get AVALANCHE
They
thought they all were jerks
Then
this one day they came up with something crucial
'Bout
how maybe Sephiroth was really dead
What
the heck was going on here?
Let's
all go to the "reunion" like he said
The
Shinra Bunch
The
Shinra Bunch
That's
the way they all thought, the Shinra bunch.
I looked
ahead in the strategy guide,
And
what the @#$% is that?
Looks
kinda like Bahamut,
But
it's name is Tiamat.
I looked
ahead in the strategy guide,
And
who's that guy with me?
His
weapon looks quite pointy,
And
he's making me drink tea.
I looked
ahead in the strategy guide,
And
what's that piece of tin,
That
has a million hit points,
And
called Omega Weapon?
I looked
ahead in the strategy guide,
I'll
have to fight the Turks.
But
I don't wanna fight them!
Too
bad they think we're jerks.
I'm
looking ahead in the strategy guide,
And
things are looking bleaker.
At
least I'll have no problems
When
I'm fighting Seifer.
I'm
looking ahead in the strategy guide,
Does
Aeris really die?
Oh
things are looking bad
And
I think I'm gonna cry.
I looked
ahead in the strategy guide,
And
now I'm gonna pay.
Cause
now I know what's comin',
And
I don't wanna play.
Heidegger: "Gya haa haa!"
Lark: "Stop
With the Horse Laugh!"
FF8- Ok, I have a big problem when it comes to the SeeD uniforms. They're so cool! Why don't they wear them all the time? They're like a tux, any guy looks great in one! The uniform makes Zell on par with regular out of uniform Squall, and that makes him pretty damn hot! All SeeD's should wear their uniforms all the time. It's not like they're ever trying to hid the fact that they're SeeD's or anything. Oh, and another thing. Why is everyone wearing their Garden uniform for the SeeD exam except for Seifer? That should mean instant failure!
FF7- Lucretia, really, what were you thinking? Hojo over Vincent? I mean, Hojo's just....yuck and Vincent's so....perfect! I like to think she was brainwashed or something. And then, for her stupidity, Vincent punishes himself by sleeping in a coffin.
FF8- Ok, what's up with Irvine not being a SeeD? That bothers me. I really hope that after all he's been through with Squall and the gang they make him a SeeD without bothering to give him an exam. I think defeating Ultimecia is enough, don't you?
FF7-
I hear that there is a game shark code where you can have Sephiroth in
your party during disc 1. I'm sorry, but no matter how much I love Sephiroth,
I would never use that code. Why? Cause how weird is that? Picture this:
Cloud:
Ok, everyone. Let's go find Sephiroth.
Sephiroth:
But I'm right here.
Cloud:
Oh. That was easy. Prepare to get your ass kicked.
Sephiroth:
But I'm on your team.
Cloud:
Ok, then. Let's go home to Midgar.
Yuffie:
Mr. Sephiroth? Can I have your materia?
See
what I mean? That just wouldn't work for me at all. Neither would that
revive Aeris thing. Characters belong where the game originally placed
them. Why don't they have a code where I can put Rufus in my party or revive
Rufus? Not like I would use it. Just while they were at it, they might
as well have made one!
FF8- What's up with Garden's standards? Later in the game it's revealed that Selphie never technically junctioned a GF until she came to Balamb Garden. And she was at Balamb Garden for what, 5 minutes? She couldn't even find her way around! They put unprepared people like this in SeeD exams? Come on! And Quistis has to explain to Squall how to junction? If he doesn't know that by now he shouldn't be taking any SeeD exam.
FF7- Why doesn't Tifa just tell Cloud the truth about what happened at Nibelheim and save him a lot of frustration in the long run? Playing alone with a diluted person doesn't help anyone.
FF8- What's up with Quistis' level at the beginning of the game? Why is she only one level higher than Squall when she's his freakin' teacher? Does that make sense to anyone? Shouldn't she be at least at level 20?
FF7- After Cait Sith's original form is destroyed at the Temple of the Ancients, how does a new one get there so fast? What, are there boxes of them back at the Shinra headquarters for Reeve to beam over a la Star Trek? And another thing, doesn't anyone notice over at Shinra that Reeve spends all his time with a remote control helping out Cloud? He's not spying after he gives away the keystone anymore. Shouldn't someone notice this? Isn't anyone left at the Headquarters or are they all out chasing Sephiroth?
FF8- I don't know about you, but if I saw Ward coming towards me holding onto that anchor of him, I would run as fast as I could in the other direction. According to his stats, the man's 7 feet tall! He should have been someone's bodyguard.
FF7 and FF8- Why is it that no one has the same last name as their parents? Rinoa Heartilly and not Caraway? Aeris Gainsbourgh and not Gast? What, do they get to pick their own?
FF8- Seifer's on the disciplinary committee? It's not hard to spot the irony there. He's always in trouble, yet he's in charge of keeping others in line? Shouldn't someone who behaves properly be given that job, or is the Garden trying to use fear to keep everyone in line? That seems to be the only reason why Seifer would be given the position.
FF7- Why can't you just take Chocobo Sage's green chocobo? He's pretty out of it! Or just borrow it! It would really save you a *lot* of trouble. Tell him, "your house is on fire!" grab the bird and run for the highwind!
FF8- Zone is one of the heads of the Forest Owls, yet he never wants to do anything! How's Timber gonna gain it's independence if he's always faking stomach trouble?
FF7- You know, you'd think a SOLDIER first class would have better stats! When Cloud's having his little walk down memory lane where he claims to be in SOLDIER, his hit points are a pathetic 140, and he has 10 MP! I thought it was hard to get into SOLDIER!! (hey, Sephiroth's stats aren't that impressive either...)
"Quiet
you."
Lark: "Ok, as you know, it gets really hot in Florida...."
Sephiroth: "Thank you, professor obvious."
Lark: "...And the lines for rides can get pretty long..."
Sephiroth: *sighs* "Can we stop with the obvious??"
Lark: *glares at sephy* "ANYWAY, my sister and I were pretty bored, so I started talking about how if Sephiroth was out here in the hot Florida sun with us in his all black outfit, he would probably melt."
Sephiroth: "Hey!"
Lark: "So then I started talking about how I would have liquid Sephiroth. To explain exactly what liquid Sephiroth does, and what's it's purpose is, I made up this commercial."
Sephiroth: "...I don't like the sound of this...."
The Commercial
Lark: "Tired of the same old Sephiroth?"
(visual: Sephiroth standing with slumped shoulders holding the masamune. he shrugs)
Lark: "Threats not impressing you anymore?"
(visual: Sephiroth, arms crossed. he rolls his eyes)
Sephiroth: "You....suck! Yeah. I'll...uh...kill you....right."
Lark: "Is it coming to the point where he's just getting annoying?"
(visual: sephiroth's relaxing on a couch, stretched out, with no shoes)
Sephiroth: "Come rub my feet!"
Lark: "Well do you have the solution for you!"
(visual: lark holding the can)
Lark: "It's Liquid Sephiroth! The new way to take control over Sephiroth!"
(visual the actual sephiroth)
Lark: "Liquid Sephiroth is actually Sephiroth in liquid form, melted by our team in the hot florida sun. Liquid Sephiroth can form any shape you want! Look at Liquid Sephiroth morph into a choo choo train!"
(visual: the train)
Lark: "A bunny rabbit!"
(visual: the bunny)
Lark: "A fluffy white dog!"
(visual: the dog)
Lark: "Or other cutesy things the real Sephiroth wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole! Now he has no choice because he's putty in your hands! Liquid Sephiroth can't whine, threaten, kill, use the masamune or summon meteor. In fact, it can't even move on it's own! It's the only truly stress free way to own Sephiroth!"
(visual: smiling Liquid Sephiroth owner)
Owner: "Thanks to Liquid Sephiroth, I don't have to ever comb his hair again! Thanks, Liquid Sephiroth!"
Lark: "Liquid Sephiroth has hundreds, even thousands of uses! If you order now you'll receive our free guide, 101 Ways To Use Liquid Sephiroth. For example, if you forget your basketball but are dying for a game, just whip out your Liquid Sephiroth and in seconds you have your very own basketball!"
(visual: smiling basketball coach with a can of liquid sephiroth)
Coach: "Liquid Sephiroth saved us when our ball exploded! We went on to win the state championship! Thanks, Liquid Sephiroth!"
Lark: "Liquid Sephiroth is only $100, a small price to pay, considering it doesn't require any care whatsoever, unlike the real thing. Besides, the fact that it can't talk should make it worth any price! And remember, if you call now, you'll get our guide, 101 Ways To Use Liquid Sephiroth, FREE! So stop putting up with Sephiroth's whining and overall violent attitude, and reach for Liquid Sephiroth. I'll guarantee you'll never have to hear about meteor again."
(visual: Liquid Sephiroth owner and basketball coach with his team, all holding cans of Liquid Sephiroth and smiling)
All: "Thanks, Liquid Sephiroth!"
Lark: "Well, what did you think of that?"
Sephiroth: *stands mouth open, eyes wide in shock*
Lark: *waves hand in front of his eyes* "Sephy?"
Sephiroth: *no response*
Lark: "Hmmm...I don't
think he liked it."
I was
in the supermarket one day, and you know those commericals where they show
different kind of people eating Reese's peanut butter cups? Well, I wondered
how the FF characters would eat them. Here are my thoughts.
Disclaimer:
I don't own Reese's peanut butter cups, or the idea for that commerical!
I'm just copying it.
How a Turk Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Reno: "That's an easy one!" *takes out his electro-mag-rod* "First I give it a good shock...." *touches the rod to the peanut butter cup and sparks fly* "Then I eat it!" *takes a bite* "Ow! That hurts my mouth! It's sizzling! Ow!!!" *runs around* "Someone get me a beer! It's burning!!"
How Sephiroth Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Sephiroth: *takes out black materia* "First I have to summon meteor..." *closes his eyes, whispers some words* "Then I wait for it to come, and I eat the crushed pieces." *sits down to wait, head resting on his hand....and he waits. sighs* "Come on! I'm hungry now! Blasted meteor!" *shakes the black materia* "Stupid black materia!" *looks down and squints at it* "Not likely?! What the hell is this? Who replaced my black materia with the magic 8 ball?!"
How Irvine Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Irvine: *grins* "Well, first I have to open the package so I can take it out." *looks at the package, chin trembles* "No! I can't! I can't do it! What if I screw up and break one of them by accident!" *runs off*
How Squall Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Squall: *eats it quietly, then look up* "Whatever."
How Cloud Eat's a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Cloud: *looks at the package in his hand and scratches his head* "What is this?"
How Selphie eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Selphie: *bouncing around with the package in hand* "Yay! I love sugar!!!"
How Scarlet Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Scarlet: *winks* "You mean a *Reeve*'s Peanut Butter Cup. Well, first I.... *censored."
How Quistis Eats A Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Quistis: *looks nervous* "Are you saying I stole it? Cause I didn't. In fact, I have the receipt right here...." *goes for her pocket, but turns and runs off instead*
How Hojo Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Hojo: "Well first I dissect the whole thing..." *puts tools aside* "then I add kelp for a scrumptious taste treat!!" *eats it*
How Zell Eats A Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Zell: *takes out a hot dog bun* "I put it in a hot dog bun! Everything tastes great in a hot dog bun!" *he puts it in the hot dog bun and eats it, then frowns* "Just wish I had a hot dog instead....maybe someday..." *gets dreamy look in his eye*
How Cid Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Cid: "@#$%@$%$#@%&#$&*$#%*(%^*#%#%.com!" *eats it*
How Seifer Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Seifer: *eats it, then blinks* "What? I just eat it normally? What, were you expecting something weird? Well too bad! Go somewhere else!"
How Yuffie Eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Yuffie: *holds it out, smiling* "Can I trade it for some materia?" *frown* "What do you mean, no? Hi-ya!" *throws it*
^_^End^_^
Lark: "Having trouble finding a Playstation 2? Well, you can get the next best thing! This is some crazy crap I made up. Enjoy the commerical. ^_^
Voiceover: "Having trouble finding a Playstation 2 this Christmas?"
(visual: shows shelves of a toy store where playstation 2's are kept--- empty)
Voiceover: "Well do we have the thing for you! It's the exact same thing, only it fell off the back of a truck!"
(tiny words that say: 'not responsible for selling stolen merchandise' flash across the bottom of the screen)
Voiceover: "It's the Playsystem 2! Featuring all your favorite games:
First Fantasy VII, VIII and IX
Kid: "Kloud, Cquall and Mondane really have some amazing adventures!"
Smash
Bandicoot
Comb
Raider
Boy
Story 2
Bono
Boss
Zenogears
Parasite
Sneeze 1 and 2
Blagrant
Story
The
Legend of Dragon
and
many many more!
Kid: "Wow! Look at all the fun I can have with Brashly Riot and Cara Croft!!"
Voiceover: "Who needs to pay $299 for a Playstation when you can get the same thing for only $29.99! That's so much cheaper than the other thing that we can't even tell you how much you'll save!"
(tiny words flash across the bottom of the screen: 'this product is bootleg. not garunteed to work or even exist'.)
Voiceover: "So don't worry about disappointing little Jimmy come the holidays!"
(visual: a frowning kid smiles a playsystem 2 magically appears in his arms)
Voiceover: "Order yours now! Call (212) 555-6666 and Tony'll hook ya right up."
(tiny letters flash across the bottom of the screen: 'if Tony ain't there, ask for Vinny. If he ain't there either leave your name and we'll contact ya when we're let outta prison)
Voiceover: "Playsystem 2. It's so great, it's almost a steal!"
(tiny
letters at the bottom of the screen: 'that's cause it was')
Have anything to add to this page? E-mail me and I'll add it!
